Palin Upside...

"John Glenn knows something about heroism. And I'm going to make sure nobody does forget that in this campaign. There is only one candidate who has truly fought for America, and that man is John McCain."

- Republican VP Candidate, Sarah Palin

POW POW!

Okay, so here's what I'm learning about Palin's upside and why she's a serious threat to the Obama campaign from various news sources:

Qualification #1:
- She has a child with Down Syndrome

Qualification #2:
- She has a son in the NG

Qualification #3:
- She's a woman

Qualification #4:
- She's pro life and pro-guns!

Qualification #5:
- She's a fiscal conservative (Oh, you mean like Bill Clinton)

Seriously, those were the upsides I just heard on NPR, NYT, townhall.com, weekly standard. And if those are the things she brings to the table then there is no more a clear demonstration that this was an identity-politics pick. Her public statements suggest someone who is as disconnected from what's going on in Washington as her geographical placement would suggest (never mind her creationist bullshit). She has said she doesn't know what the VP does on a day to day basis. She asked "WHATS THE PLAN? WE NEED A PLAN!" for Iraq, though not in the accusatory tone of a Robert Bird, but as an actual inquiry, as if the plan exists but she just doesn't know about it.

I'd like to suggest to you that you join me for a game of imagination. Let's call it "SEND IN THE VEEP!" It works something like this:

Scenario #1:
Pro-Russian forces attack the Ukranian governments cyber-network, effectively shutting down business in the Ukraine. In response, Ukranian nationalist elements that are not controlled by the govt attack the Russian pipeline that passes through their country, and that carries over 90% of Russian petroleum supply to Europe, with crude explosives and arson. Russia occupies the areas of the Ukraine that the pipeline passes through and demands that the Ukranian government stop attacking Russian assets.

America's response?

SEND IN HOCKEY MOM SARAH PALIN

Scenario #2:
A third intifada is boiling in Israel/Palestine after the mysterious death of Palestinian/Hamas PM Haniyeh in a car crash, continued sanctions against the Palestinian people, and a recent Israeli incursion into Gaza following the murder by Palestinian rocket of an Israeli mother and child who were shopping at a mall in Sderot. The occupied territories and the PLO government are in chaos, with Abu Mazin swearing revenge for the murder of Haniyeh and deaths in Gaza.

America's response?

SEND IN HOCKEY MOM SARAH PALIN

Scenario #3:
The Chinese are mad as hell that the current administration is using them as a beanbag in domestic politics, limiting the ability of Chinese companies to buy American assets because of domestic paranoia and outrage over an uncomfortable incident involving Chinese-made dandruff shampoo. Exports are down, and the Chinese government is taking a lot of flack in the US press, abetted by the McCain administration. When a conference on Darfur is organized at the UN by France and Britain, someone has to go sit face-to-face with the Chinese and demand action on this issue, despite the current sourness of Chinese-American relations.

America's response?

SEND IN HOCKEY MOM SARAH PALIN

So far we've only imagined international scenarios, where Mrs Palin will obviously look ridiculous. Let's imagine some domestic events...

Scenario #4
Racial violence breaks out in Cleveland following the beating and subsequent murder of an unarmed black man, caught on tape. Much like the riots of Cincinnati in 2001, conditions have been brewing for years, as jobs are down and drugs and gangs are up in Cleveland. Massive looting and destruction of property follows, and hundreds are injured. The executive feels it must send someone to make a symbolic appearance, and to improve the morale of the city.

America's response?

SEND IN HOCKEY MOM SARAH PALIN

Scenario #5
A conference of the National Education Association is convened regarding No Child Left Behind, and whether the NEA will support it in the next congressional term. NEA love for NCLB is known to be very low, and the conference is thought to be a rebuke of the program that was created during the Bush years, and a plea to the current Republican administration to ditch many of NCLB's provisions, and to fund it fully. The executive wants to send top people on this issue, as NCLB is not up for negotiation.

Who does John McCain send to talk to America's teachers?

SEND IN HOCKEY MOM (AND CREATIONIST) SARAH PALIN

Scenario #6
The Democratic majority in congress is pushing back against one of John McCain's biggest pieces of his energy platform, drilling. They are saying no to ANWR and no to off-shore. Democrats have created a political stalemate, as they are demanding what they term "a comprehensive energy policy", mainly federal funding for job-creation in key states in the alternative energy sector. Gas prices are up, and Israel looks ready to attack Iran under the popular and new leadership of Tzipi Livni.

Who gets sent to the Hill to speak with Democratic hardasses such as Robert Bird, Joe Biden, Dennis Kucinich, and Patrick Leahy and demand that Dems work with the administration on energy?

SEND IN HOCKEY MOM SARAH PALIN

And on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on....